What to Do When Your Child Gets Angry at You

We’ve all been there. Your child, face red with frustration, yells something that stings your heart:

  • “I hate you!”

  • “You never listen to me!”

  • “It’s all your fault!”

  • “You love my sibling more than me!”

  • “I wish you weren’t my mom/dad!”

  • “You’re the worst!”
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Hearing these words can feel like a punch to the gut.

In that moment, a flood of emotions rushes in: hurt, anger, guilt, even self-doubt. Am I doing something wrong? How can my child talk to me this way? If it happens in public, embarrassment might creep in too. What will people think? What does this say about my parenting?

If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone. Every parent has been there. And despite how it feels, these moments don’t mean you’re failing or that your child doesn’t love you. They mean your child is struggling with something big, and they need you—even if they don’t know how to show it.

Anger Is Normal—For Them and For Us

Before anything else, take a deep breath. Your child’s anger isn’t a sign that something is wrong with them or with you.

Anger is just another human emotion, like joy, sadness, or excitement. It’s okay to feel angry. What really matters is how we express it. Disrespectful comment, yelling, hitting, throwing things - these behaviors aren’t okay, but the feeling behind them is normal.

And if we’re honest with ourselves, managing anger is hard, even for adults. If you grew up in a home where anger was discouraged, dismissed, or punished, your child’s outbursts might feel especially overwhelming. But here’s the thing: we’re all still learning. And just as we help our kids learn to read, ride a bike, or tie their shoes, we can help them learn how to handle big emotions, too.

What’s Really Behind a Child’s Anger?

It might seem like your child is just being disrespectful, but anger is often a mask for something deeper like sadness, fear, or frustration.

When a child yells, “I hate you!” they’re not really saying they hate you. More often, they mean something like:

  • “I feel powerless.”

  • “I don’t feel understood.”

  • “I’m overwhelmed.”

  • “I’m scared I’m not going to get what I need.”

  • “I need help, but I don’t know how to ask.”

Think about a time you were really angry. What was underneath that anger? Did you feel hurt? Misunderstood? Stressed? Our children feel these things too, but they don’t yet have the skills to express them in a healthy way. That’s where we come in.

How to Support Your Child When They’re Angry

1. Regulate Yourself First

Your child’s anger can be triggering. Their words might push buttons you didn’t even know you had. That’s why your first step isn’t to fix the situation—it’s to regulate yourself.

  • Take deep breaths.

  • Remind yourself: My child is having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.

  • Reframe the situation: This is not personal. This is not an emergency. My child needs my help.

The calmer you are, the safer your child will feel, and the easier it will be for them to calm down too.


2. Ensure Safety

  • If your child is hitting or kicking, create physical space: “I can’t let you hit me, but I’m right here when you’re ready.”

  • If siblings are fighting, separate them gently.

  • Stay as calm as possible. Your presence can help de-escalate the situation.


3. Help Your Child Find Calm

Anger tends to subside when a child feels understood. Instead of lecturing or demanding an apology, focus on connection first. Speak calmly and acknowledge their feelings with phrases like:

  • “You’re really mad right now. I see that.”

  • “You’re feeling like I don’t listen to you. That must be frustrating.”

  • “I see that what I said really upset you. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

  • “I’m sorry this is so upsetting. I’m here with you.”

For some kids, physical comfort helps—like a hug or holding their hand. For others, they just need time and quiet space.

Some may want you to stay with them while they calm down, and you don’t need to say anything. Just your presence is enough.

With older kids, they might appreciate if you say something like, “Let’s take a break to calm down and then come back and talk about this.”


4. Teach Once They’re Calm

When the storm has passed, you have an opportunity to help your child learn better ways to manage anger.

Start with curiosity and a desire to understand: “You were really mad earlier. What was bothering you?”

Acknowledge how difficult those feelings and situations are for your child, and ask additional, open-ended questions to learn more.

When it’s time to problem-solve, try something like this:

  • For young kids: “Next time, instead of yelling, you can say, ‘I’m really mad.’ Can you practice saying that now?”

  • For older kids: “We don’t call each other names in our family. Next time, what could you do instead?”

These moments of teaching after the anger has settled help your child build emotional skills for the future.


Reconnecting After the Storm

After all of this, something beautiful often happens. Younger kids might snuggle up to you, and older kids might offer a quiet hug. They feel relief not just because their anger is gone, but because they know you see them, even in their hardest moments.

Your child is not bad or broken because they get angry. They’re learning, and you are their safe place to do that.

And if you’re still figuring this out yourself? That’s okay too. Managing emotions is a lifelong journey for them and for us. The more we practice, the more our children will learn, turning moments of anger into moments of growth.

 

Take the Next Step

Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Every parent deserves guidance tailored to their unique needs. Here are some ways I can support your journey:

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I believe every family deserves guidance that honors your individual needs, and I’m passionate about helping parents find practical, meaningful solutions that help their family thrive. Let’s work together to create positive and lasting changes for your family.

 
Sharon Epsteinparenting power, power as a parent, feeling powerless as a parent, feeling hopeless as a parent, how do you get your kids to obey, how do you get your kids to listen, fighting with kids, feeling confident as a parent, finding your power as a parent, when kids curse at you, kids talk; kids talk to us; kids open up to us; getting kids to open up, kids only listen when I yell, discipline with love, parenting from fear; fear-based parenting; parenting anxiety; parenting mistakes, child is angry at you, child yells at me, child yells at you, child anger, angry at me parent, what to do when your child gets angry at you, child yells, yelling, manage child anger, child screams mean things, child is angry, child temper, temper tantrums, child yells I hate you!, I hate you!, how do I deal with child yelling at me, how do I deal with child anger, how do I deal with child screaming, hitting kicking child, how to stop child's rage, child shouting at parents, how to handle child anger, child anger management, parenting an angry child, what to do when your child says "I hate you", child emotional regulation, managing kids' anger, child behavior problems solution, how to stay calm when kids yell, why kids get angry, how to teach kids emotional regulation, gentle parenting anger management, how to respond when your child is disrespectful, why does my child get so angry and agressive, how to help my child express anger in a healthy way, what's behind my child's anger and meltdowns, best ways to calm an angry child, why does my child hit me when they're mad