Are You Parenting from Fear? Here’s What to Do Instead

Have you ever caught yourself thinking:

• “I’m afraid my child is going to end up as…”

• “I worry that my child won’t…”

• “If I don’t teach them this now, they’ll never…”

If so, you’re not alone. The truth is, we all do this sometimes.

These thoughts are simply signs that, in that moment, you’re parenting from a place of fear.

Parenting is full of uncertainty. Because we love our children so deeply, we naturally worry—about their future, their well-being, and whether we’re doing enough. And when fear takes the lead, it can shape our actions in ways that don’t serve our kids or ourselves.

But that's not the end of the story, because noticing when fear is present is the first step toward choosing a different path.
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Where Do Our Fears Come From?

Fear in parenting usually comes from one of two places: past wounds or future worries. In other words, it’s often rooted in what we’ve experienced or what we’re afraid could happen - not in what’s actually happening right now.

Of course, there are exceptions. If your child runs into the street, fear kicks in as a healthy survival response. it fuels your quick action to bring your child to safety.

But in everyday parenting moments, fear often distorts reality. It can cause us to react to worst-case scenarios in our heads rather than responding to the child right in front of us.

When we parent from fear, we may:

• Worry about how others will perceive us.

• Doubt our own parenting choices.

• Focus more on avoiding negative outcomes than on guiding our child with love and trust.

And when fear drives our parenting, we unknowingly put all our energy into what we don’t want - which makes it more likely to happen.

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What Fear-Based Parenting Looks Like

Here are some examples parents have shared with me:

• Fear: “If my child’s grades don’t improve, their future will be ruined.”
  ​Reaction: Lecturing them about how they’re falling short and not taking school seriously.
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• Fear: “They aren’t safe online.”
  ​Reaction: Secretly going through their phone every week.
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• Fear: “They don’t have enough friends.”
  ​Reaction: Pushing them to invite people over, even when they say no.
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• Fear: “If they don’t listen now, they’ll be rebellious, uncontrollable teens.”
  ​Reaction: Using harsh punishments to “teach them a lesson.”
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• Fear: “I’m losing my connection with them.”
  ​Reaction: Either overwhelming them with questions or withdrawing in hurt.

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When fear takes over, we often try to control the situation, believing that if we just do something, we can fix the problem. And in the moment, taking action may bring a brief sense of relief ... until we see our child’s reaction and realize our approach had unintended consequences.

Here’s how kids can respond to fear-based parenting:

• They tune out our lectures.
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• They internalize our worries as their own.
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• They see us as nagging or unreasonable.
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• They feel we don’t trust them.
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• They hesitate to open up because they fear we’ll overreact.

Fear-based parenting can unintentionally create distance between us and our children when what we really want is to feel closer.

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Fear Is Normal

Fear is a natural part of raising kids. It doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you deeply care.

Many people talk about “slaying” or “conquering” fear, as if it’s an enemy. But fear isn’t something to fight. It’s just an emotion—like sadness, joy, or frustration. It’s part of how our brain processes the world.

Rather than pushing fear away or letting it take control, we can use it as a signal. It’s simply trying to tell us something.

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The Power of Awareness

The next time you feel fear creeping in, when your mind starts spinning with “what if” scenarios, pause. Take a deep breath. Acknowledge its presence:

"I see you, fear. You’re here to tell me something important."

Then, gently ask yourself:

• What am I really afraid of in this moment?

• What does this fear want me to know?

• If I trusted that everything would turn out okay, how would I respond differently?

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You Get to Choose

Fear will always show up in parenting. But it doesn’t have to lead.

When we shift from fear to trust, we:
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​✅ Create a more peaceful home and more peace within ourselves.
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​✅ Strengthen our relationship with our kids.
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​✅ Teach them by example how to handle fear with confidence.

So the next time fear shows up, don’t push it away or let it take the wheel. Acknowledge it. Listen to it. And then decide for yourself what comes next.

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Take the Next Step

Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Every parent deserves guidance tailored to their unique needs. Here are some ways I can support your journey:

1) Get free parenting tips - Click HERE for valuable advice tailored to real-life parenting challenges.

2) Explore parenting classes - Click HERE to discover classes designed to empower and inspire you.

3) Schedule a free, confidential consultation - Click HERE to connect for a one-on-one conversation about your family.
I believe every family deserves guidance that honors your individual needs, and I’m passionate about helping parents find practical, meaningful solutions that help their family thrive. Let’s work together to create positive and lasting changes for your family.