Parenting Advice You Can Ignore
In a recent mom’s group I facilitated, women were discussing parenting advice they followed that left them feeling bad about themselves.
One example that generated a lot of response was, “Let the dishes wait, our kids are only young once.”
This didn’t work for parents who are bothered by dirt and clutter, and felt too distracted when they let the dishes go.
It was equally uncomfortable for parents who played with their kids for a long time, and then felt resentful when they were doing the dishes late at night.
Yet, all of them had tried to follow this advice, and ended up feeling like there was something wrong with them.
That’s a BIG sign that you’re following parenting advice that isn’t a good fit for you.
Some parenting advice can feel like something we “should” do, and can invoke feelings of shame or being a "bad" parent when it doesn't work out for us.
If I could erase these feelings from every parent's mind, I’d do it in a heartbeat!
But, we can use these uncomfortable feelings as a signal that something is off.
And that something doesn't have to be US!
Maybe it's just that the advice doesn't fit your values, lifestyle or personality.
And that is totally okay.
The challenge is remembering this, and not defaulting to the assumption that there is something wrong with you or the way you're doing things.
Instead, it's worth taking time to think the situation through and decide what will work best for you and your family at this time.
It can also help to remember that many decisions are not fixed and can be adjusted if you change your mind or find a better solution later.
When I talk with my clients, they often ask me for advice about what to do.
And there are 2 main ways that I answer.
One is to help my clients clarify their values and the results they want, what they’re thinking of doing, and the likely outcomes from that course of action.
Another is to offer suggestions when my clients really don’t know what to do. And I always follow up with these questions: Does this feel comfortable to you? Is there anything we’ve discussed that you feel hesitant about?
Because the decisions you make as a parent need to feel right in order for them to work for you and your family.
So, when you read or hear parenting advice, here are 3 questions to consider before you adopt it:
1) Does the advice come from a source you trust?
2) Does the advice align with your values, personality and intuition about this issue?
3) If you follow this advice, will it leave you feeling good about yourself and your parenting?
It’s completely okay to ignore parenting advice that isn’t a good fit for you.
I encourage you to think about what works best for you and your family, so you can feel like the parent you want to be!
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