You Can Create A Peaceful, “More Perfect Union” In Your Family
Did you know the United States Constitution has something to teach us about parenting?
Here’s the preamble:
“We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, ensure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, … do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”
In reciting these words during the recent presidential inauguration, several speakers pointed to the importance of the phrase “in order to form a more perfect Union,” not “in order to form a perfect Union.”
This is such an important distinction! And hearing it reminded me of parenting and families and the high expectations we sometimes set for ourselves.
Each of our families is a union. But none of us is a perfect parent and we never will be. After all, we are only human! Similarly, our kids will never be perfect and our families will never be perfect. So, we can’t have a “perfect union.” But we can have a more perfect family union.
What does a “more perfect family union” look like?
Only you know the answer to this question for your family.
What do you wish were different about your family right now?
How would you like everyone to speak to each other in order to get along?
What feelings do you want your children to have about you and your family?
What dreams do you have for your close, loving relationships?
How do you create that “more perfect family union” of your dreams?
Here are two proven ways:
1) Learn From Your Experience
In my twenty years of training leaders in corporate settings (parents are leaders too, by the way!) and coaching parents, learning from experience is the common denominator that helps people reach their goals. Research studies about the most successful leaders bear this out as well.
How do you learn from experience?
After an interaction with your child, take time to reflect and ask yourself three questions:
• What went well in this interaction?
• What do I wish had gone differently and why?
• What can I do differently next time (and there is always a next time!) to get a better outcome?
For example, when I was in my yelling phase, and beating myself up about it, I would use these questions to try to keep myself from yelling again. So, after I yelled at my daughter when she didn’t clean her room, I thought to myself:
• What went well?
She’s finally cleaning her room.
• What do I wish had gone differently and why?
I wish I hadn’t yelled, because I don’t like how I feel bad about myself afterwards. I keep telling myself I’ll stop, but I can’t get myself under control. I keep feeling like I’m failing. I also don’t want my daughter to think I don’t love her or that I’m a mean mom.
• What can I do differently to get a better outcome?
Leave the room before I yell and come back in a few minutes and talk in a calm voice. Go to bed earlier so I’m not so tired.
The value of asking these questions is that you are always learning and becoming more aware of your feelings and behavior. Awareness is the first step toward any change.
These questions also help reinforce what you’re doing right! So, if you had a great interaction with your child and everything went as you hoped, you can pat yourself on the back for doing a great job and remind yourself to use the same approach again.
2) Ask For Help
Sometimes, though, reflection shows you what you want to change, but you still can’t make the changes you want. This happened to me. I kept promising myself I would stop yelling, but I wasn’t able to do it, and my kids still weren’t listening the way I wanted. So I began studying/reading everything I could find on child development, families and parenting … and revisited my training and experience in conflict management, leadership development, listening, counseling and assertiveness training. I studied and became a certified coach and most importantly, I hired a coach!
In these situations, we need more information, skills or tools. We need support to help us learn how to create our “more perfect family.”
I always say that great parents are the ones who really love their kids, and ask for help when nothing is working or they’re out of ideas.
The good news is that parent coaching has been proven to help you get faster results, so you don’t have to wait and hope things will get better on their own. After all, athletes have personal coaches, executives hire business coaches, “ordinary” people hire life coaches, so why shouldn’t parents use parent coaches?!
Here’s what a recent client said about the results she had working with me:
I signed up to work with Sharon when my son was going through a very difficult time. I’m not the kind of person who spends a lot of money on myself, but I knew I needed the help, since I couldn’t help my son and myself on my own. Sharon is very caring and professional, and has your best interests at heart. She asked me the important questions I needed to answer in order to help myself and my son. As a result, I can talk to my son in a way that helps and supports him, and our relationship has improved. I’ve stopped stress eating, exercise more, take better care of myself and I’ve lost weight. The strategies I learned also help me set better boundaries in my professional and personal relationships. Investing the time to get Sharon’s support, use the tools I learned from her, and have the tools become more habitual is what made the difference. If you’re ready to make some changes in your life, I highly recommend working with Sharon.
– A. Sanchez
Take the Next Step
Parenting is a journey filled with challenges and triumphs, and you don’t have to navigate it alone. Every parent deserves guidance tailored to their unique needs. Here are some ways I can support your journey:
1) Get free parenting tips - Click HERE for valuable advice tailored to real-life parenting challenges.
2) Explore parenting classes - Click HERE to discover classes designed to empower and inspire you.
3) Schedule a free, confidential consultation - Click HERE to connect for a one-on-one conversation about your family.
I believe every family deserves guidance that honors your individual needs, and I’m passionate about helping parents find practical, meaningful solutions that help their family thrive. Let’s work together to create positive and lasting changes for your family.