My Most Important Parenting Lessons

I’m not a perfect parent, and I don’t try to be.

But I do work hard at doing the best I can. That means constantly learning, studying, and growing.

One thing I’ve always struggled with?

Yelling. I used to raise my voice when things got frustrating and felt unsolved. Even now, when the same issue comes up over and over, I feel the urge to get louder, hoping my kids will understand just how frustrated I am.

But... it never works.

The moment I raise my voice, one of my kids shuts down. The other might talk back, or they’ll just point out (very calmly!) that I seem upset. And they’re right.

Most of the time, I don’t yell anymore because I’ve learned I don’t have to. But sometimes things really get to me. Just like they do for all parents, right?

For example, my daughter wasn’t practicing piano as we agreed. Event though she truly enjoys playing, she was practicing only once a week. Our agreement was five days. We had talked about it, and she understood why it was important. And for a while, things were fine. Then her schedule changed, and practice slipped. Again.

We had another calm talk. “Remember we agreed on practicing five days a week? I know your schedule’s been crazy, but how can you make sure you still get it in?” She suggested setting an alarm on her phone, and I loved that! Problem solved, right?

Well, not quite. A month later, her homework load increased, and piano was pushed to the back burner. Again.

This time, I was mad. In my head, I was thinking:

• We’ve talked about this twice. Why do I have to deal with this again?
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• It’s embarrassing for me when she goes to lessons unprepared. Doesn't she care how that looks? What will the teacher think?
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• I’m paying good money for these lessons, and she’s just throwing it away!
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• Maybe I should make her pay for piano lessons when she doesn't practice enough. That'll teach her to take practicing more seriously!
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I wanted to yell, to lay it all out and tell her how frustrated I was. But deep down, I knew it wouldn’t work. My clients tell me they feel the same way, so I get it. Yelling can feel like the release you need, but it doesn’t solve the problem. It just damages the relationship.

If I had yelled, my daughter would have shut down, missed out on the joy of playing, and probably started seeing me as unreasonable. And then I’d be left feeling guilty, worrying about how to fix things, and feeling like a bad mom.

So here’s my biggest lesson: I need to pause, check my emotions, and get myself together before I talk to my kids. And honestly, it’s not easy!

Sometimes I don’t want to get regulated. I want the immediate relief of letting my frustrations out. But I know the damage it could cause. It’s hard to sit in that space between what you want to do and what you know you should do. It’s a delicate balance, and every parent feels it.

I’ve found that talking it out with my husband helps. I tell him how mad I am and what I want to say, and that venting session calms me down. If you don’t have a partner or don’t feel comfortable sharing, try other outlets—call a friend, journal, listen to music, take a walk, whatever helps you refocus.

But even with these strategies, I still slip up. This last time, after talking to my husband, I thought I had released enough frustration. But when I spoke to my daughter, I still had an annoyed tone. “You need to practice piano tonight!” I blurted, right after she’d told me about her mountain of homework. I couldn’t stop myself. My worry about her skipping piano made me react before thinking.

Her shoulders slumped. Her face fell. She was shutting down—exactly what I didn’t want.

And here’s the second lesson I've learned: It’s never too late to fix a mistake.

With practice and awareness, I’ve learned to watch my kids closely. When I see I’ve gone too far or said something in a way that’s not helping, I pause. I can stop, acknowledge that I didn’t mean to speak that way, and try again.

In this case, I took a breath and said, “I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to sound harsh. I’m just concerned because we’ve talked about this before. What’s been keeping you from practicing? How can you make it work?”

And just like that, we reconnected. We made a new plan together.

Parenting is never perfect. But every time I get it wrong, I learn a little more.

And that's the beauty of this journey—we're always learning, always growing, always trying to be the best parents we can for our kids. It’s not about getting it right every time, but about how we repair, reconnect, and keep showing up with love.

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If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, unsure, or stuck in a frustrating cycle with your kids, you’re not alone. We all face those tough moments, but there’s always a way through.

I’d love to help you find your way, too. If you’re ready to explore new strategies for calmer, more connected parenting, reach out to me. Together, we can make those tough moments feel a little less tough—and a lot more manageable.

1) Schedule a free, confidential consultation - Click HERE to connect for a one-on-one conversation about your family.
I believe every family deserves guidance that honors your individual needs, and I’m passionate about helping parents find practical, meaningful solutions that help their family thrive. Let’s work together to create positive and lasting changes for your family.

2) Click here to get some free tips about how to stay calm when you really want to yell.

Let’s do this, one step at a time!